Even in the worst moments, there is a possibility of joy
by sass41319
Summary: How I imagined the missing scene went from the phone call to Beckett's arrival at the accident scene.
1. Chapter 1

**"Even in the worst moments, there is a possibility of joy"K. **

**A/N after 6 seasons it still amazes me how milmar are able to create so many emotions, good, bad, catastrophic from their fans in just 42 minutes. I can't wait for the possibilities in season 7. **

Alexis would ask her in the days to come what had been said in that phone call but Kate would never be entirely sure she knew. The feeling of dread that had started like a small curl of smoke in the pit of her stomach when the minutes had ticked by and Castle had failed to appear, when his phone had gone to voicemail, had roared into life with the ringing of her phone. When trying to recall that conversation she would halfway convince herself that she remembered the words and not just the rushing sound of her racing heart.

"Hello"

"Detective Beckett"

"Yes, this is she"

"It's Chief Brady from the Hamptons PD. I'm sorry to inform you that Mr Richard Castle has been involved in a car accident this afternoon"

Or at least that's how she would have broken the news to a family member, because really isn't that how she has done it on more occasions than she can recall. If she's honest with herself, which in the quiet moments when she is able to acknowledge that he is truly gone, Kate knows that Richard Castle and accident are the only words she remembers and really the only words that carry any weight. So much weight it suffocates her in those quiet moments.

"How bad is it? Where is he?, Is he at the hospital?, where..."her words trailing to a quiet sob as she hears Chief Brady take a slow breath in and the original tone of his words sink in with sudden clarity. Not for the first time since she met Richard Castle the words really didn't matter. The tone, the subtext mattered and it was currently screaming at her. She knew there wouldn't be any long wait in a hospital corridor or joyous reunion around bandaged limbs. Unable to process what Brady was trying to tell her, Kate cut him off.

"Where are you? I'll come" Kate hung up as soon as she had the address. She turned to face three of the most important women in her life. Kate had chosen these women to be with her in the last moments before the wedding because these three strong women were her family. One she had chosen out of a desperate need for friendship after her mother's death and the other two were gifted to her by an amazing man. All three had been with her throughout the journey that had brought her to this day. But out of them all, she was the strongest, the leader. Standing before them now with the concern clearly evident on their faces, Kate didn't want to be strong, she didn't want to speak the words that would make all this a reality. She wanted to run from their concern, their grief.

"Kate, was that about my Dad" The tremor already evident in the young girl's voice.

"There's been an accident, I have to go" Grasping the train on her mother's wedding dress Kate frantically searched the room looking for her car keys.

"Dammit, where are they?" Kate muttered, tossing the contents of her handbag across the guest room bed.

"Katherine darling, what's happened to Richard" she felt Martha take her by her shoulders, trying to halt her frantic rush around the room.

"He...He.." she felt the cool of the silent tears as they made tracks down her face, not bothering to take the time to wipe them away she quickly evaded her mother-in-law's embrace. Unable to bear the comfort that she would find in them.

"He needs me, I have to go"

"Kate, I'm coming too" Those quiet words from her fiance's daughter brought her whirling body and mind to a stop.

_No, No, Castle would never forgive her if she allowed Alexis to see him like that. Never. he would want her to look out for Alexis. _

_"If anything happens to me Kate, I want you to take care of Alexis" _

_Ohmygod did he know this was a possibility one day when he had begged a response from her. _

"Please, Alexis you need to stay here. I'll call as soon as I know anything" Kate took one of her slim pale hands in her own. "I promise"

Ignoring the stubborn glare of the young redhead she turned to Martha, placing her other hand in Martha's.

"Martha, please keep her here. I need to go now but I want your word that Alexis won't follow"

"I will, my dear"

"No Kate!" Alexis wrenched her hand from Kate's.

"Yes, Alexis" Kate wrapped her arms around the stubborn young woman and pulled her in to a tight embrace. "Trust me. I'll call you as soon as I know anything"

She felt the moment that Alexis gave in, as the rigidity went out of her posture and she sank into Kate's embrace.

"Please" Kate wasn't sure whether Alexis was pleading for Kate to keep her promise or pleading for her father. It didn't matter really, not now, she could feel the panic rising with each moment that she delayed here. She had to go, now.

Kate passed the frightened girl over to her grandmother, with a quick sweep of the room she remembered that she had tossed her keys into the bowl in the front foyer in her mad dash into the house last night. She rushed from the upstairs guest bedroom in a whirl of silk and taffeta, down the elegant curve of the main staircase. Kate couldn't help comparing this moment to the one she had imagined when getting dressed this morning. They had missed their own rehearsal last night as Castle had remained in the city so that he could be at the registry as soon as it opened this morning to lodge the papers, so she hadn't practiced her entrance. But she had imagined the feeling of walking down the staircase, arm-in-arm with her father. His slow and steady steps helping to temper the driving need to race the last few paces to where Castle was waiting. Instead she now found herself taking the steps two at a time, alone, needing to get to him, her father was still upstairs getting ready and Castle wasn't waiting for her in the back garden. Kate stifled the loud sob that threatened to break free, reining it in, knowing that if she started there would be no stopping. She felt the first brick fall into place as she suppressed her tears, could almost hear it crash into place, awaiting more to be added as her walls rebuilt.

Entering the front hall she reached for the decorative brash bowl that they used for their keys, only to find it empty. In a fit of helpless rage at the seemingly endless roadblocks she had faced today and in the last few days, she picked up the bowl and hurled it into the wall not bothering to wait to observe the damage it had caused. She placed her hands, palm down on the hall table, leaning forward, feeling the cool polished wood under her palms. feeling the contrast between her warm clammy hands, her erratic racing pulse and the smooth coolness of the wood. Kate desperately drew air into her tight chest. Willing the gnawing flames of dread that were leaping in her belly and the image of Castle slumped over the wheel of his Mercedes, still, not moving that was on a constant replay in her mind to dissipate. Cool wet splashes hit the table, pooling before rolling over the edge and disappearing from sight. The harsh, gasping sobs escaping forth, her control slipping as reality threatened to overwhelm her.

"Kate honey, let me get the boys and we'll take you" Lanie's quiet voice, quivering with emotion startling her from her internal torment.

"No Lanie, I can't wait, Castle needs me"

"Girl, he needs you in one piece and you're not in any state to drive right now" Lanie gently coaxed Kate into the lounge and onto the sofa. "I'll be back with the boys"

Kate sat hunched over on the sofa, twirling her engagement ring. Feeling the comforting sensation of smooth stone and polished gold as it slid around her left ring finger, the rhythm motion helping to settle her racing heart, the heartbreaking sobs quieting to soft mews as she calmed her raging emotions. It struck her then that she was supposed to have moved the ring to her right hand to make room for the one that Castle would place on her finger today, but this was now one more ritual which she wouldn't be completing today. A dizzy array of images flooded her mind.

_"Mr Castle?"_

_"Where would you like it" His cocky grin flashing across his face, only increasing when she flashed her badge. _

_"You hide in nowhere relationships, with men you don't love!" No cocky grin this time, just a desperate mix of anger and frustration that was tinged with just enough sadness to twist her heart into knots. She remembers the almost visceral need to clarify their relationship but being too scared to allow him in. So instead of telling him how she felt she had challenged Castle to define their relationship and her hesitation had resulted in 2 more years of stalling and miscommunication between them. . _

_"Kate,Kate I love you" Her vision had narrowed to just his face above her, the burning pain in her chest threatening to pull her under into darkness but his voice was tethering her to this reality preventing that final slip into oblivion. She wanted to tell him she loved him, had loved him for so long now but the pain was so intense that she had no breath to form the words. A solitary tear made its way down her face as she desperately clung to those words and his face, using all her energy to remain with him. With one final breath the darkness swarmed in and the pain burnt bright as his face shimmered and disappeared from her vision. _

_"This is the best birthday ever!" The unadulterated joy in his face making the frustrations and worry of the last few days disappear. The love shining from his clear blue eyes was only matched with that radiating from her. Her breath faltered at the overwhelming feeling of love that she could barely contain, knowing that she would do anything to remain in this moment, in this relationship. _

_"You get this job, You move to DC, I'll never see you. That's pretty much the end of this relationship" His expressive face was contorted in anger, she could feel it almost pulsating off him. Kate was left stunned by how quickly they had gone from standing on a bomb together to this moment. She could feel him shutting down and her heart clenched because she knew she had done this to him. Her doubts, her fears, her need to be more, had ultimately injured the one person she loved the most. Even though she knew this was the right decision for her, Kate was scared that Castle might walk away. When he finally did stalk from her apartment, unwilling to talk it through her heart shattered with the knowledge that she had done this but she was left with a tiny spark of light, hoping that they could figure this out, that this relationship which had already weathered so much was strong enough to get them through this as well. . _

_"Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle, Yes! Yes I will marry you" His serious almost stern expression replaced by one of ultimate joy. She watched as the light came back into his clear blue eyes and she drank in the love she saw reflected in them. Yes this felt right. Maybe his proposal had broadsided her into a stammering mess, but once she had said the words that would tie her to this wonderful man, an overwhelming sense of rightness had encompassed her and she knew that this was the right step for them. _

_"i could never have done this without you" As she stepped into his embrace she caught a glimpse of the pride and love shining in his eyes. She also caught the fleeting expression of relief that flittered across his face, a look that she knew was also reflected in her face. Inhaling deeply as she collapsed into his arms, she took in the unique scent that was Castle as she pressed her lips into his shoulder and allowed herself for the first time to let go of that small grain of doubt that they would never get their happy ending, a doubt had been lingering in the recesses of her mind, waiting to bloom. She released her breath and settled into her fiancé's embrace in the bright afternoon sun as they took this next step into their future, together. _

As Castle's face slowly faded from her internal vision, Kate released her almost death grip on the edge of the sofa, breaking into a cold sweat as she took several slow breaths to stifle the nausea threatening to overwhelm her. She couldn't sit here any longer, she needed to be with him, now. This wasn't happening, he had promised them a happy ending and she intended to hold him to it. Her scattered mind unable to process that maybe this was a promise that he had no control over. That maybe happiness wasn't in their destiny.

Leaping from the sofa, Kate felt her left heel catch in the train of her dress and heard the slow rip as it tore through. On a sob, Kate bend down and extradited her silver stiletto from the hem of the dress and unceremoniously hitched the train over her arm as she raced from the room. Her dress, her wedding no longer mattered compared with her need to find her fiance. What was a dress, even her mother's wedding dress compared to the loss of this amazing and wonderful man. Kate desperately raced from the Hamptons house not sure where she was heading, just knowing that she needed to find a car and find Castle. The fire of dread was roaring inside her and she had no way to quell it, it was driving her forward, challenging her constant need to collapse into a sobbing heap by propelling her into action.

Their wedding car, a Rolls-Royce was parked at the bottom of the steps, its chauffeur leaning against the bonnet. Castle had begged, pleaded and whined to have the Ferrari as their wedding car but she had stood resolute that no bride wanted to end up with mattered hair and flying taffeta just for the sake of making the boys jealous. So now they had a silver Rolls-Royce that she was about to commandeer to go find her fiancé and she had never imagined that she would be taking this journey alone.

"Tony, I need the car!" She shouted at the stunned chauffeur. Climbing into the back seat without waiting to hear his reply, acknowledging in a brief moment of clarity that she was in no state to drive herself. Glad at least that Castle had arranged for his regular chauffeur to drive them today. Having been exposed to years of Castle's often impulsive and reckless behaviour he didn't hesitate to follow orders from his soon to be wife.

Kate stammered out the address that Chief Brady had given her and collapsed back against the cool leather seats of the Rolls-Royce. Her legs tapping out a random beat, impatient for the short drive to Castle's location to be over. As they pulled into the winding, tree lined driveway, Kate caught a glimpse of Ryan and Esposito dashing from the house in their matching tuxedos.

"Beckett, Beckett" Esposito shouted at the quickly receding car. Kate ignored her friends cries, her overwhelming need to reach Castle impervious to the concerns of her friends or his family. She watched in the rear view mirror as Ryan stopped and pulled out his cell phone. She knew that they would find out what had happened, after all they were detectives. Kate knew that eventually they would follow her but was also aware that she didn't want any of her family or friends there when she arrived. She needed to do this alone, for Castle.

Kate brought her hands up to her face, her fingers catching in the loose curls of her hair. She pressed her palms into her eyes trying to stem the flow of tears. Castle's words from yesterday coming back to haunt her now.

_"Well maybe it is a sign, a sign that ours is a great love story. What's a great love story without obstacles to overcome, every fairy tale has them. Terrible trials that only the worthy can transcend, but you can't give up. That's the deal. We want the happy ending, we can't give up."_

Kate remembered that she had never believed in fairy tales and magic until Castle thrust his way into her life, scratching and clawing at her walls until she allowed herself to believe that their epic love story would have a happy ending. Kate stifled the keening sound rising from her throat, part sob part laugh, wishing for her walls at this moment. Kate had always considered herself strong, wasn't she the one who had picked her father up after her mom's death. Cleaned him up after yet another drinking binge until she had finally realised that to show strength she had to push him away and hope that he had the courage to face this new life that they found themselves in. She had been strong when she had pulled together the tattered pieces of her psyche and risen like a phoenix after her shooting, to claim the life that she deserved with the man who had patiently waited while she healed. She had been strong as their world was collapsing when everyone had believed that Castle was a murderer and cheater. She had remained undaunted and unswayed, staying strong for Castle. But she no longer felt strong. She just wanted to hide and allow others to confirm what her heart was trying to tell her, that there was no happy ending for them. She didn't want to be strong for his family, she wanted to run. Run so far away that no one would know her or Castle and maybe she could just disappear into non-existence.

Kate felt the car start to slow, breaking her from her desperate internal dialogue. She looked up and caught her first glimpse of the scene. Startled she realised that it wasn't much different from the hundreds of similar scenes she had attended with and without Castle. Several police cars were parked at awkward angles, flanked by an ambulance and fire engine, temporarily blocking her view of the accident scene. A quick sideways glance into the back of the ambulance failed to show a battered but alive Castle. Kate grasped the handle of the door and pushed it open, not waiting for the car to come to a complete stop before she stumbled out. Sweeping aside the wedding dress, not in an attempt to protect it but in a need to get to Castle as quickly as possible, unhindered by its long skirt, she launched herself towards the cars.

Stumbling onto the dirt road, she raced towards the full plume of smoke that she could see rising from behind the parked cars. She noted the severed guard rail on the bridge as she got closer, its broken arm reaching out as if in attempt to halt the fall of the car that had plummeted through it. It was the heat rising from the gully that hit her first, it made her stagger to an abrupt stop as she was reminded of another fire and the belief then that no one could survive something that big, that ferocious, that energised unscathed.

Kate watched in slow motion as her fiancé's Mercedes burnt. The acrid smoke burning its way into her lungs with each painful breath, threatening to choke her. She felt the tears spill over as the reality of her loss started to sink in. He couldn't really be gone, the larger than life, 9-year old on a sugar rush, who was the only one who could pull her back from the rabbit hole of her mother's case, who pushed and shoved at her walls til they came tumbling down. She couldn't live this life without him, because she really had just been marking time before he came into her life. He was her one and done despite the stupid mistake she had made in a drunken rebellious moment as a child, because he was the only one that had her heart.

Kate felt her knees falter and weaken as she sank down into the dirt, mindless of the damage she was inflicting on her dress. She clasped her hands to her neck in a reflexive move, reaching for the necklace that was even now sitting in her jewellery box at their loft, trying to find comfort where none could be found. Unable to break her sightless stare from the burning car, she heard the sounds of tires peeling to a stop on the gravel road, doors opening and closing. In some part of her numb mind she was able to acknowledge the voices of her friends but she lacked the strength to reply.

"Beckett" followed quickly by "No, Castle, No!".

"Was Castle in the car?" She hears Ryan plea to Chief Brady, but finds herself frozen in place, numb to the sirens, the frantic activity around her, numb to the rocks biting through her dress to scratch her knees.

She knew she should move, should talk to Chief Brady, learn the details about how her fiancé's car ended up in a ditch alight. But she couldn't, she wasn't the strong one, Castle was. He gave her strength when she didn't thing she could go on. He was her North Star and how would she ever be able to be orientated again without him in her life.

_"When you pushed your way into the precinct, I thought I knew how I wanted my life to be. But I didn't realise that I had lost the magic of life and had settled for a pale version of what it could be. You were the one who brought the magic and joy back into my life. You scratched and clawed despite my best efforts to keep you out until my walls came tumbling down. Even through some of the worst moments of my life you have been there to share them with me, to support me, to calm my raging heart and to show me that joy is still possible. Today in front of our family and friends, I am giving you my heart, all of it, openly and completely because its yours and has been since I first read your words long before we met. You are my one and done and always have been, nothing will ever change that. _

_I'm not going to make promises today that we will be there for each other through better or worse because I know that we have already proven that to each other. Through fire, water, ice and even tigers we have been partners and I feel that today is our chance to commit to continue to be partners for life. _

_Rick, you are an amazing man and I can not wait to start our life together, because this is our story now. This is my stand, here today and I choose to stand by your side forever, for Always. _

As the water from the fire hoses started to douse the flames, Kate drew in a shattering breath. This was their story, their fairy tale and if the last 5 years of their story had taught her, it was that they had to have a happy ending because what was all the pain, clawing and tumbling of walls about if they didn't get their ending. Pushing up she teetered on the silver stilettos trying to get her equilibrium back. Snapping her head around, she severed her gaze from the burnt out wreck and towards the man with answers. Stalking across the dirt road, she approached her prey.

"Chief Brady, was Castle in that car?"

She wanted the happy ending, the Always, so she wasn't giving up... because Castle wouldn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank-you for the wonderful reviews. I'm glad that you guys liked Kate's wedding vows. I think that was the thing I was most upset about missing out on in the finale, so I wrote what I thought she would have said. I wasn't sure whether this was going to be a one-shot or a multi-chapter but seems to have a mind of it own. I hope you enjoy it. **

**"Just because we haven't figured it out yet, doesn't mean we won't" R. **

**Chapter 2**

"Detective Beckett" She watched as the inexperienced police chief pulled and tugged on his tie. Whether he was stalling for time or just uncomfortable, Beckett didn't know and didn't really care at this point.

"Chief Brady, can you confirm if Castle was in the car when it was set alight?" Kate demanded, determined to get some answers.

"Chica" Esposito stepped forward, blocking her view of the hapless chief. "They haven't been able to ascertain much past the fact that the car was registered to Castle."

"Chief Brady called you first because Castle had phoned him yesterday about the wedding and any possible noise violations. Beckett, he remembered you guys from the case you solved up here and still had your number in his files" Ryan jumped in. The strained expression on his face, evidence of his concern for the writer.

"So we don't know that Castle was in the car when it went over" She reiterated. Not really caring for any other details except this one. Kate felt warm, the tightness of the bodice of her wedding dress starting to feeling like a straight jacket, her breath coming in short bursts. Right now she felt like she wanted to jump out of her own skin.

"Beckett, they haven't been able to get close to the car because of the flames. Chica, we don't know if Castle is de...er ..was in the car" She hears the slight quiver in Esposito's voice as he tries hard to avoid stating what they all fear.

"Espo! Castle's not in that car!" Kate cried, not sure if she truly believed it but unwilling to give up hope. Kate saw the pained expression in her friend's eyes, the way his shoulders slumped and raised her hand to stop him as he took a step towards her, his arms raised. She knew he was just doing what he always did in their relationship, stepping up to support her, hold her up when she looks like falling down. But Kate refused to accept it, not today because there was no way Rick was it that car, no way this was their ending. Feeling her breath hitch in her throat, the sob captured before it could escape, Kate pressed her palm into her friend's chest, physically and mentally holding him back.

"Kate.."

"NO, NO Javi! Don't!" Without waiting for his response, she dodged around him, her eyes roaming the accident scene for Chief Brady. She wanted answers and unfortunately for the inexperienced police chief, he was her target. Squinting against the brilliant afternoon sun she located him beside the patrol car talking to an officer in the Hamptons PD uniform. Kate stalked over to him, ignoring the thin layer of dust now clinging to the hem of her wedding dress.

"Chief"

"Yes Detective"

"Tell me everything you know" She demanded, her eyes pinning the police chief to the spot. Chief Emmet Brady, having only been in this position for two years and required to fire his gun for the first time a little over a year ago in a case involving this particular homicide detective, was wildly inexperienced in comparison but he knew enough to fear what Detective Kate Beckett was capable of. Just two weeks ago he had been glued to the television set as he watched her take down a US Senator, who had allegedly murdered her mother and attempted to assassinate her. He wished not for the first time today that he had stayed in bed and far away from anything to do with this couple.

"Um.. from what we can best ascertain, Mr Castle's vehicle was travelling east towards his residence when it seems to have missed the corner at the bridge and veered off the road into the ditch below. At some point the vehicle has burst into flames. Unfortunately we don't know if anyone was inside at this time. Once the fire department extinguish the flames we will have more information. " Emmet Brady recited the facts, going against his natural tendency to ramble.

"So there is a chance Castle survived the initial impact and walked away, he could be lying out their somewhere, injured."

"While its possible Detective, the car appears to have impacted the ground at high-speed. It's unlikely any person in the vehicle, walked away from this"

"And Rick is a very unlikely person. Have you searched the woods, canvassed the local houses to make sure he's not out there somewhere" Kate demanded, her voice cracking as emotion overwhelmed her. She knew that Rick would do everything to survive, and she needed to do everything to find him. That's what partners did, right?

Kate turned to the men she thought of as family and pleaded for them to understand.

"They checked Beckett, he's not lying around injured. I promise" Ryan explained, the unshed tears evident in his voice. Of the two detectives, he was the one who followed Castle around like a lost puppy, laughing at all his jokes even the bad ones. Kate had been so focused on getting answers that she hadn't heard him approach.

"But I'll go and look myself" Ryan reassured her, keen to do anything that didn't involve watching his friend's body be extracted from the burnt-out wreck. Kate watched as he jogged off into the woods behind the smouldering car, still wearing his tuxedo. She knew he would be true to his word and if Castle was in the woods, Ryan would find him. Kate was torn between wanting to follow Ryan and needing to stay with the car.

"Detective Beckett, my deputies have secured the scene. But we are only a small team and I don't have the man power to canvas the neighbouring ranches and protect the evidence here as well." he stated "We are doing our best, I'm sorry but the likely scenario is that Mr Castle was in the car. "

"No! Until you show me his body, HE is still out there, somewhere and I won't stop looking until I find him, because that is what Castle would do!" Kate yelled, causing the smaller man to take a step back. "So go out there and do your job, FIND HIM!"

Brady breathed a sigh of relief as he saw one of the other detectives, a Detective Esposito he remembers from his earlier introduction, approach them from where he had been watching the recovery process.

"Kate" The quiet, almost whispered use of her first name, not missed on her. Kate felt her stomach roll and pitch, what little she had eaten for breakfast threatening to come up. The bluster leaving her as she realised what he was coming to tell her.

"Kate, they found a body in the car"

"No, please Javi, No" The plea escaping from her lips, her vision of the usually stoic detective with tears in his eyes suddenly obscured by a thin film of water. Kate pressed her fisted hands to her eyes, trying to stem the flow. The tightness in her chest growing, restricting her ability to breathe. She felt light-headed. This wasn't possible, he had promised that they would have their happy ending. He promised and she had been so sure that he would survive because Castle never broke his promises. How was she to make her stand if he wasn't there to stand beside her.

Kate felt his strong arms come around her as she started to slide to the ground. Her weight now fully supported by the younger detective as she allowed herself to give in to the crashing waves of grief. She felt his arms tighten around her, comforting her, his tearful 'I'm sorry' whispering in her ears. Kate sobbed harder as she grieved for the loss of the only arms she ever wanted around her, the only voice she wanted whispering to her. She tried to curl into herself as he shifted her in his arms, speaking softly to someone.

"Yo Ryan, you need to get back here, bro" Esposito ended his conversation with Ryan abruptly to make the next call.

"Chica, she needs you" She heard him murmur. "He's gone, Lanie"

Kate moaned, trying to block out Esposito's words as her world crumbled around her. She pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle the moans wanting to escape, feeling the bite of her engagement ring into her soft cheek. Opening her eyes she looked down at the large diamond in its elegant platinum setting, remembering clearly how his blue eyes had gazed seriously at her, how he had held himself so stiffly kneeling down on one knee when he proposed. She remembered how every thought had left her stunned brain and her sudden concern for his injured knee. She remembered the slight tremor in his hand as he offered the ring to her, the only sign of his inner turmoil. And she remembered the joy that bubbled up inside at the realisation that he wasn't breaking up with her.

"_I'm not proposing to you to keep you here or because I'm afraid I'm gonna lose you. I'm proposing because I can't imagine my life without you. If that means when things get difficult we have to figure them out, then I'm willing to figure them out, assuming you're willing to figure them out with me." __The seriousness in his eyes a reflection of the massive leap of faith he was taking. She hadn't realised until Castle had told her about his previous failed marriages how he had built walls so much like her own to prevent being hurt again. That Castle had chosen to demolish his own walls and take that leap with her , still amazed her._

Kate trembled as she realised that today was the day that their story ended. They weren't going to get their happy ending. She had been so certain that they wouldn't find his body in the car, that if she turned around he would be walking across the road with his usual swagger, looking a little like a certain British spy in his wedding tuxedo, ready to spin some wonderous tale about his near-death escape. Kate had been so certain that she would know if he was truly dead, and she still felt his presence, so couldn't be gone. Nothing made sense anymore and she didn't have the strength to figure it out without him.

Esposito held Kate, gently stroking her back and feeling completely out of his element in how to comfort her, Kate's entire body shaking with the sobs. Esposito continued to hold her until the sobs quietened and he felt her go slack in his arms, almost hopeful she had fallen asleep. He had never seen Beckett like this and it terrified him.

"Javi, I need to see the body. For me, for him" She whispered huskily when the tears finally slowed and she could find her voice. Kate refused to say his name, if she did then it make all this too painfully real.

"Kate..." She heard the refusal in his voice, but wasn't about to be swayed. She pushed away from him, placing a steadying hand on his shoulder til she regained her balance. Esposito placed his large hand over hers whether to restrain her or continue to offer support she wasn't sure. His fingers sliding in between hers, palm to palm, drawing her hand down to rest it on his chest. She could feel the rapid pulsing of his heart and knew that this was hurting him too.

"Chica, you don't need to do this. I called Lanie, at least wait til she gets here."

"I'm sorry, Espo" She slipped her hand out of his to clasp the train of her wedding gown and make the short walk to the burnt out Mercedes.

As she approached the top of the bridge she watched as the fireman switched off their hoses, as the last steady stream of water hit the partly caved in roof of the car and then slid in a torrent down the sides. The water sloshed to the ground and was quickly absorbed. Kate now had a clear view of the crumpled chassis of the Mercedes and realised that there had been little chance that Castle would have walked away from this crash, even without the fire. She remained rooted in place as she watched the driver's door being pried from its hinges to allow access to the body. Kate tore her eyes away just as the door broke off with a tearing screech of metal and fell to the ground, instead focusing on the largely unscathed boot of the car. She couldn't go down there, this wasn't just another crime scene. This was Rick and she wasn't ready to see him gone, his vitality and thirst for life reduced to nothing.

Kate could feel her racing heart threatening to burst from her chest and was surprised that it even knew how to beat. She could feel the tears coursing down her face, she could feel each sob being wrenched from her chest but she felt disconnected to it all. As she focused on the small black mark on the rear of the silver Mercedes, everything else receded into the background. The patrol cars with their flashing lights, the fire engine, the smell of burnt rubber, the professional chatter of the fireman as they examined the wreck, even the slow steady breaths of her friend who had joined her by the bridge, all receded into nothing.

She examined the black mark, tracing the long linear smudges from the rear passenger door to the brake light at the back. She noticed a small dent in the rear fender. Gasping she turned to Esposito, grabbing his arm in a death grip, her knuckles turning white.

"Espo, that mark on the rear fender, it's new. There was another vehicle involved"

"Maybe it was there before"

"You've borrowed the Ferrari enough times to know that Castle freaks out at the smallest scratch on his cars. Do you remember the time Ryan spilled one of Jenny's detox drinks in the back seat. I thought he was gonna have a coronary."

"Best halo day ever" Esposito chuckled

"So there is no way that dent was on the Mercedes when Castle left the city" Kate stated, glad to have anything to focus on that didn't involve the body in the driver's seat.

"Kate, Lanie just called. She's on her way but little Castle is with her." The reason for his appearance at her side now evident.

"Hell! No, she shouldn't be here. Why didn't Lanie stop her!" Kate exclaimed. Starting to pace back and forth in her silver stilettos.

"She's a grown woman who has a right to be here and what was she going to do? Handcuff her to a chair?" Esposito grabbed for Kate's hand before she fell down into the gully below, halting her frantic pacing. "You need to talk to her. Martha and your Dad too."

"Espo, I can't" Kate sobbed "I'm not even sure I know how to do this without him. I'm not strong enough."

"Chica, you are the strongest woman I know." Esposito pulled her in for a brief hug, releasing her as he heard a car pull up behind them. "You need to go and talk with Alexis and I need to go and check out those marks on the car."

"Hell!"

His lips moved up in a poor attempt at a smile, not quite able to muster the feelings to put behind it. He turned and scrambled down the hill towards the wreck, ignoring the cloud of dust he kicked up in his wake.

Kate took a steadying breath as she turned away from the wreckage and faced the daunting task ahead of her. She felt the next brick fall into place, her wall steadily rebuilding itself as she closed off her emotions. She saw the rear door of a black limousine open, watching as the young redhead still in her best man tuxedo, jumped out followed quickly by Lanie. Kate strode towards them, the tears drying on her cheeks as she faked a steadiness she didn't feel.

"Kate" The terror evident on her young face, mixed with anger. "You promised to call!"

Kate halted in front of Alexis, trying to block her view of the recovery process going on behind her, her height giving her an advantage over the shorter girl today.

"I know Alexis. I'm sorry" She took Alexis' cool hands in her own, feeling as they quivered at her touch, unsure if it was her own hands shaking or the young girl's. Kate took a deep breath, realising that she wasn't ready to do this. Having been a 19 year-old shattered by her mother's death she wasn't ready to do that to Alexis. She wished that she had more time to prepare for this but somewhere in her numb mind she knew she never would have been prepared for this.

"Alexis, your Dad's car crashed. He...uh...he..." Kate paused, unable to continue as the words stuck in her throat, threatening to choke her. Kate had sat down with numerous families; mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, and lovers delivering bad news to them but she couldn't do this. She still wasn't willing to admit he was dead. Desperately she looked over Alexis' head, avoiding her gaze and beseeching Lanie for her help.

"Alexis, honey. Your dad didn't make it out of the car." Lanie came up to gather the young girl in her arms as she started to collapse. Kate stood back feeling helpless but not sure she had the emotional reserve to comfort her right now. She watched as Alexis sobbed in Lanie's arms, her best friend stepping in when Kate couldn't. Kate turned away as tears blurred her vision again, feeling like she had let Castle down yet again. She felt Lanie's smaller warm hand slip into hers. Looking up she met her friend's eyes to see only sadness reflected back and no censure.

"Kate" Just that single word from Lanie was enough to break through the numbness and Kate allowed herself to be pulled into the hug. She wrapped her arms around Alexis and placed a kiss to the top of her head. Kate closed her eyes and started to speak softly to the young girl, hoping that by telling the story of his last moments she would start to believe them as well.

"It looks like his car missed the curve and he crashed through the guard rail at the bridge. The car landed hard in the gully below. The leaking fuel must have caught alight, maybe a spark from the engine ignited it, and a fire started. It's unlikely he would have been aware of anything after that initial impact." A sob escaped Kate as her mind conjured up images of Castle trapped in the car. She had to believe what she was telling Alexis because she wouldn't survive with the other option, that Castle had been alive when the car burst into flames.

"No Kate, please, no!" Alexis cried as she flung herself into Kate's arms. Kate allowed her tears to flow, remaining silent as the girl's sobs intensified.

"Lanie, I need you to go and make sure that they don't miss any evidence on the..uh...on Castle." She whispered, her voice faltering.

"There is no way Castle just veered off the road, something caused him to end up on that trajectory and I'm not gonna let some country cops rule this an accident. He was too experienced as a driver and he knew these roads too well to take that curve at speed, something happened and I intend to find out what." Kate refused to believe that Castle's last act would be something so reckless. If anything he was the more cautious driver out of the two of them and there is no way he took that curve too quickly.

"Sure honey, I'll look after him" Lanie pressed a kiss to her cheek before walking away.

She watched as Lanie climbed down the dirt incline in her emerald-green bridesmaid dress and stilettos. Watching as Esposito quickly approached when her stilettos proved incapable of carrying her through the mud at the bottom and pulled her into a tight embrace lifting her into his arms. She looked away unable to prevent herself from wishing she had Castle's strong arms around her now. The world always seemed so much safer and easier to bear when she was in his arms. He made her safe and that was a feeling she wasn't sure she would ever feel again.

"Kate, Kate we need to tell Grams" Alexis pulled back, her face red from crying but her sobs having subsided.

"We will but first I need to talk to Chief Brady, then we will go back to the house and tell Martha. Can you wait just a little bit longer."

Kate wasn't ready to leave yet until she had made sure that the Hamptons PD were doing all they could to find out what happened. She also admitted to herself that she wasn't ready yet to go back and face her family, the wedding guests, the house all preparing for a wedding that was never going to happen. She definitely wasn't ready to face that reality.

"Ok. But I don't want to see him, "Alexis pleaded "Not like this."

"Oh honey, never, never" She reassured the girl.

"I'll put her in our car and stay with her until you're ready to go" stated Ryan, having returned from his search of the woods after Esposito's call. His nod at her affirmed that Espo had brought his partner up to date on everything that had happened in his absence.

"Thanks Ryan" Kate squeezed Alexis' cool hands, bending down she looked into her tear-stained face and made her a promise. "I'm going to find out what happened, I promise you"

"I know you will Kate" Alexis stated with conviction.

She watched as Ryan led Alexis away, inwardly glad to have a slight reprieve before facing the rest of her family. Kate felt a burning seed of anger take root inside of her, she allowed her grief to feed the flames. She was angry, angry at Castle for leaving her, angry at whoever had stolen her happy ending from them, angry at herself for believing that they could possibly make it, even angry at the fates that had decided that their destiny was this, another sad bookmark to add to a life touched to often by tragedy. Kate angrily dashed the tears from her face, as she searched for Chief Brady, yet again. Ignoring the activity going on down the hill she located her prey standing by his patrol car talking on the radio.

"Chief Brady" Kate stalked over, watching as he quickly ended his conversation at her approach.

"Detective Beckett. I'm very sorry for your loss" he stammered.

"I don't need platitudes Chief, I need answers!" Kate unwilling to allow him to squirm away again.

"What have your men found?" she demanded.

"We have found some tire tracks about 200 feet up the road to the west that suggest the car was stationary before accelerating towards the bridge." Emmet Brady couldn't quite meet her eyes peering over her shoulder into the distance.

"That's not possible. It doesn't make sense" She stated.

"Um well Detective, the evidence suggests he may have purposely driven straight towards the guard rail. There are no skid marks to suggest he attempted to brake."

"No Chief! The evidence is WRONG! If Castle has taught me anything it is that the evidence doesn't always tell the whole story and in this case it's telling the wrong story" Kate refused to believe that Castle would deliberately cause his family this much pain. If she believed in anything, she believed in Castle's love for her and his family. He would never do something like this.

"You need to check your _evidence _again, and once you're finished, check it again!" She shouted. "Because Castle would never do something like this. I spoke to him when he was just 20 minutes away and he was as excited as I was for this wedding. He waited 3 years to declare his love for me, another year for me to declare it back to him, then a further 2 years to get us to this point. There is no way on this earth that he would have allowed himself to miss our wedding. So go and find more evidence because someone did this to him and I'm not going to rest until they pay!"

The seed of anger was now a raging torrent inside of Kate and she had no wish to quell it. The anger was preventing her from collapsing into a useless heap and she would use it to sustain her as she searched for answers. If Chief Brady wasn't prepared to assist her then he was an obstacle that she would just navigate around, because nothing would stop her from getting justice for herself, for Castle.

Brady was spared from responding by the ringing of his cell phone. Glad for the brief reprieve he excused himself as he stepped away to answer it. Kate bit back a scream of frustration, taking a slow breath to calm herself down. There was no point getting the local cops off side, not until she had a good reason to get them there. _Oh Hell Castle, what happened? _

"Yes"

"I understand"

"Yes ma'am, ur...yes Sir!"

"My entire force is willing to do what ever it takes to resolve this"

Kate unashamedly listened in, watching as Brady's complexion became redder and redder until he hung up with a flourish, stabbing at the call end button.

"It seems that Richard Castle has friend's in high places. That was your Captain, she has received permission to offer NYPD personnel to _aid _this investigation." He stated. "I don't know what sort of pull she has but your friends, Detectives Esposito and Ryan are now consulting on this investigation and Dr Parish is to be provided full access as well. This is unheard of!"

Kate watched as the Chief's adams apple bobbled up and down as he swallowed this new turn of events, obviously not happy to have his investigation invaded by the NYPD.

"Hey Beckett" she watched as Ryan jogged over.

"Gates just called. Seems Lanie ran into Gates on her way out of the house and told her what had happened. She called 1PP and the Mayor arranging for us to assist." Kate teared up again, surprised yet again at the show of loyalty from the stern captain. Kate rubbed her eyes, wincing at their grittiness as exhaustion threatened to overwhelm her. The incessant swing of her emotions from grief to anger and back again, draining her.

"Your friends can stay and assist, but Detective Beckett, you can't stay. This is not your case to investigate." Chief Brady stated, having recovered from his first encounter with Captain 'Iron' Gates.

"This is my fiancé, Chief Brady, there is no part of this doesn't concern me!" Kate spat out., anger and stubbornness evident on her face.

"Beckett, we've got this" Ryan reassured her "He was our friend too and we will find out what happened. But Beckett you need to be with his family now, they need you."

"But Ryan, I need to be here. I need to stay with him" She cried, resisting his attempts to guide her away, her anger shifting back to sorrow.

"Lanie will stay with him, I promise. Alexis needs you now Kate." His crystal blue eyes welling with tears. "We loved him too"

"Promise he won't be left alone, promise me that Kevin." The tears once again flowing freely down her face.

"Always" Ryan stated

Kate's breath hitched at that word. What had made Ryan say that word, their word to her. Kate sobbed, allowing Ryan to pull her into a hug as she finally began to realise that their "Always" had been a lie. She was docile as Ryan led her back to the Rolls-Royce, through tears she could see Alexis sitting in the back seat. Kate quietly climbed in as Alexis made room for her, barely settling back onto the cool leather seat before the young girl had wrapped her arms around her. She felt Alexis' quiet sobs against her neck, the lace trim of her wedding dress already starting to dampen from the flood of tears.

"Thank-you Ryan" she whispered as he closed the door, signally to the driver to go as he straightened his shoulders and prepared to do his job. Kate placed a soft kiss to Alexis' forehead as the car engine came to life.

"Tony, don't go yet" She quietly requested. "I need to stay a little bit just until he's gone"

"Of course Ms Beckett" The usually reserved chauffeur's voice quivering with suppressed emotion.

Kate sat quietly watching as the firemen rolled up the used hoses and equipment, she watched as they climbed back into the engine and drove away, sirens on silent now there was no need for haste. She quietly watched as the local ME's van drove up, and a young man, barely old enough to drive jumped out, she watched as her best friend shook hands with the ME and led him to the car. She watched even as Alexis' sobs ceased and her ragged breathing settled into soft snores. Through silent tears, almost an hour later Kate watched as a black body bag was carefully carried up the steep incline. Its weight born by Esposito, Ryan, Chief Brady and the young ME, with Lanie following close behind. As the doors of the ME's van closed on the body bag and Lanie, she watched as Ryan pulled Esposito into a hug before finally closing her eyes.

"Goodbye my lover. I will love you _Always_" Kate whispered quietly to herself as Tony pulled the silver Rolls-Royce back onto the road.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thanks for the follows and favourites. **

**"Your mother always said that life never delivers anything that we can't handle" J.B. **

**Chapter 3**

As the silver Rolls-Royce turned from dirt road onto paved in its journey home, Kate kept her eyes closed in exhaustion, a pounding headache having taken up residence in her temples with unrelenting force. Alexis already having succumbed to exhaustion, remained curled up at her side. Kate rubbed a hand over her closed lids, her eyes stinging from the grittiness of the smoke and dust particles not completely washed away in the flood of tears. Her wedding dress now felt too tight, too confining and Kate's skin itched to be relieved of its silken cage. She watched as images of Castle flashed against her closed lids. Their first meeting on the rooftop for the Storm Fall launch, her arresting him in the NY public library, the frantic tone in his voice when he had searched for her in the burning remains of her apartment after it had been blown up, them digging for buried treasure in a cemetery in the dead of night, Castle's constant witty dialogue helping to distract her from Royce's betrayal...as five years of memories flashed by she was reminded of the many facets of Richard Castle that she had grown to love.

"Ms Beckett"

"Yes Tony" She opened her eyes, squinting into the late afternoon sun.

"It's not right, not fair" The tears now clearly evident in his voice.

Kate met the eyes of the normally silent chauffeur in the rear view mirror and nodded her head softly in reply, unable to find the words to answer him. No,no it wasn't fair, but when had life ever been fair to her, to them. Her chest felt too tight from suppressed sobs and she was finding it difficult to draw in a breath, her breathing now coming in short shallow bursts that were leaving her feeling light-headed. She couldn't do this, not without him. He was the one that always drew her back from whatever precipice she was about to tumble-down, his laughter would light up her world and now all she saw was darkness and deep treacherous rabbit holes waiting to consume her. Kate's ragged breathing filled the cabin of the Rolls-Royce as she desperately sucked in air to fill her lungs, Alexis' weight on her shoulder adding to her feeling of confinement.

Kate looked out the window at the rolling green lawns punctuated by houses of every design imaginable all sliding into a mass of green blur as they sped past. Every now and then she would capture a glimpse of the distant ocean as the trees parted to reveal their hidden treasure. The sliding green landscape outside her window helped to calm her raging emotions, her breathing settling into a slow rhythm as she drew in deep breaths. Just as Kate felt once again in control of her ragged thoughts, the car turned down the long tree-lined driveway to their house. She felt the car slow and caught Tony's eye in the mirror, he was giving her time to compose herself before arriving at the house. She attempted to turn her lips up in quiet acknowledgement but the smile refused to come. Settling again for a brief nod Kate took several slow steadying breaths as the car came to a stop in front of the beach house.

"Alexis, we're home" Kate whispered as she pressed a quick kiss to the top of the girl's head.

Kate waited in the car, giving Alexis and herself time to come back to the present and the task ahead. She watched as the large white front door was flung open and Martha launched herself through it, followed quickly by her Dad and to her surprise Captain Gates, bringing up the rear at a more sedate pace. Kate nudged Alexis again, trying to wake the exhausted girl.

"Kate"

"Hey Alexis, you need to get up" She watched as the confusion of sleep quickly receded from the girl's eyes and recognition of what had happened flooded in. Her pale blues eyes welling with new tears. "Your grandmother is here"

Kate opened the car door reluctantly not ready for the outside world to invade the warm cocoon of the cabin. As she swung her legs around and settled the stilettos on the gravel driveway she got her first good look at the state of her wedding gown. A large rent was evidence in the train where her heel had punctured through it. There were large patches of dust marring the front from kneeling on the dirt road and more encrusted the hem where it had been dragged through the dust. It was ruined, yet another sign that they would never have a happy ending, she thought.

Kate grabbed the car door to steady herself as she pulled herself up, her legs briefly protesting before striding across the driveway to meet their family and give Alexis a few more minutes to wake up.

"Katherine, Oh Katherine" Martha wailed as she enveloped Kate in a bone jarring hug, surrounding her with wisps of Chanel No.5 and silk. Kate stood stiffly in Martha's embrace, wanting to relax but knowing if she did she would collapse. Sheer strength of will was the only thing keeping her upright at this moment. She stepped back, breaking the embrace to deliver the news to Martha.

"Grams" Alexis sobbed as she launched herself into her grandmother's arms. "Grams, he's gone"

"Oh God, Richard" Martha cried, her eyes meeting Kate's in a silent plea for her to contradict the girl's claims. Kate nodded her head in confirmation before breaking eye contact as tears threatened to spill over. The pounding in Kate's head intensifying, making even the setting sun too bright.

Kate watched as the two redheads burst into tears, wrapped in a tight embrace as they rocked side to side.

"Katie?" The quiet understated question in his voice in stark contrast to Martha's dramatic cry.

"Dad" Kate stepped forward into his embrace. Resting her head on his shoulder, nestling quietly in his arms like when she was little and she believed his arms could shield her from all the bad things. Kate drew from his reserved strength in an attempt to replenish her exhausted emotions. Where Castle's family were all about the words and gestures, the Becketts carried out their most significant communication in silence. Kate allowed a deep sigh to escape her, knowing she couldn't hide here forever but wishing for just a few more minutes. Drawing back she pressed a kiss to his cheek, startling him with the gesture.

"Thanks" She whispered before turning back to face her captain.

"Sir, Thank-you for everything you have done, I couldn't have left without knowing the boys and Lanie were there. It means so much to know that." Kate watched as a tear slowly made its way down the usually taciturn face of Victoria Gates.

"He is one of us, Detective. Nothing else would have been acceptable" Victoria Gates reached out and enveloped Kate's slim hand in both of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go and disappearing back into the house.

Kate turned around to find Martha and Alexis still embracing on the bottom step, each women on the verge of collapse but somehow managing to hold the other up.

"Martha, please come inside. I'll try and tell you what little I know." Gently, Kate led the older women, who seemed to have aged twenty years in a few seconds up the stone steps and into the house, allowing her Dad to take Alexis and guide her in as well. Kate noted that the flower garlands on the main staircase had been removed sometime in her absence. She carefully shepherded Martha, her Dad and Alexis into the lounge, needing to get this over with so that she could retreat to the main bedroom and finally collapse.

Kate sat down on the sofa, leaning towards Martha, their heads almost touching and in a slow steady voice she recited the facts of Rick's accident and the evidence that they had found. As Kate finished talking she realised that they had very little to go on and hoped that the boys would have more to report later. She watched as Martha sagged further and further into the sofa and felt Alexis inch herself closer into her side with each word spoken. Kate reached out and clasped the older women's hands in hers and as the words fell away she allowed the silence to wrap itself around their small family, providing some comfort.

"Katie, it's getting late. Why don't you go and change and I'll prepare everyone something to eat."

Kate looked up, catching the last of the setting sun as it dipped below the horizon through the large glass patio doors. With a nod of gratitude, Kate left Martha and Alexis with a promise to join them later and made her way to the back of the house and the master suite.

Kate avoided looking at the king bed that dominated the space, with its driftwood bed head and fireplace as she skirted around the room to the walk-in robe. Most of her clothes had been moved to the guest suite last night as she hadn't wanted to spend her last night in their bed alone, but she had left behind some workout clothes in the downstairs robe. Kate kicked off the silver heels, not caring in what direction they landed as she entered the walk-in. She reached around to slide the hidden zipper under her left arm down to release the bodice of the dress. Grasping the tag she slide it down, feeling the teeth snagged in the lace. Contorting her body Kate tried to see the zipper but it kept slipping from her grasp. She let out a small scream of frustration slapping the wooden panelling with her open palm. As the pain reverberated up her arm, Kate struck it again ignoring the bruises forming on her forearm and unaware of the tears once again streaming down her face. She continued to hit and kick out at the wood panelling, releasing some of the pent up anger she had been holding in since that phone call. With a strangled cry, Kate collapsed onto the floor of the closet finally giving in to the crashing waves of grief she had hidden from her family, Castle's name repeated over and over until her voice became hoarse.

"Kate" The whisper seeped through the cloud of despair Kate had lost herself in.

She felt a hand smooth back the hair from her clammy forehead and looked up into clear blue eyes, the right color but belonging to the wrong face. Through a thin watery veil she could make out Martha's face hovering over her with the smoother lines of Alexis' peering over her shoulder, sorrow etched into both their faces.

"Katherine darling, I can not imagine how heartbroken you are right now. This is a tragedy for us all but Richard would not want you to make yourself sick with grief."

"I failed him Martha" Kate cried looking up at the woman who would never be her mother-in-law. "He was always there protecting me, looking out for me. I lost my focus for a split second chasing down an ex-husband I don't remember marrying and never loved and whilst I was distracted he was taken away from me"

"Katherine Beckett you did no such thing. I have watched my son find the perfect partner after many missteps and I have seen how that relationship has made him into the best possible man he could be. Never doubt the love he had for you or that he didn't daily rejoice in your love for him. He loved you, all of you just as you are"

"Stand up Katherine" Martha demanded, using her stern mother voice to get the younger girl to her feet. "Turn round, Darling"

Kate stood silent as Martha and Alexis fixed the zipper of her gown and helped her out of it. Stepping out from it's taffeta and silk skirts, Kate felt like she could take a breath for the first time that day. She accepted the leggings and shirt that Alexis had gathered for her and walked into the bathroom to change, stopping briefly to whisper a thank-you to Martha as she bent down and laid her cheek gently against the older woman's.

Kate changed quickly into her workout clothes, then vigorously pulled the pins from her hair that had kept her curls in check and captured the loose strands back into a tight ponytail. She ferociously scrubbed her makeup off taking with it the grime from the accident scene as well. Finally daring to look into the mirror Kate was surprised at the lack of changes she saw, except for the dark smudges under each eye there was no physical marker to her overwhelming grief. Her eyes were drawn to the beautiful sapphire and diamond earrings dangling from her ears, Kate closed them allowing herself to be drawn back to this morning when Martha had gifted them to her.

_"They were given to me by my mother to wear on my wedding day and by her mother before. Only women of substance have worn these gems, they've been waiting Katherine, ...for you." Looking into the mirror at the woman standing behind her, Kate had realised that she did in fact have a mother with her on this momentous day. Her own mother would have loved this new family Kate was gaining. _

Refusing to shed anymore tears today as she added another loss to her growing tally, Kate quickly removed the precious gems from her ears and placed them on the table. Leaning forward to peer into the green eyes reflected back at her in the mirror, she calmed her raging heart and put back on her poker face so that she could go out and face their family.

Kate tucked the still warm earrings into her fist and exited the bathroom to find Martha and Alexis replacing the now ruined wedding dress into a garment bag.

"You didn't have to do that"

"I know dear but your mother obviously took such wonderful care of it hoping that someday you might wear it and I think we should honor her by doing the same" Martha stated "You made a beautiful bride today Katherine, she would have been proud."

"I'll arrange to get it dry cleaned and repaired" Alexis added as she accepted the closed garment bag from her grandmother and gently folded it over her arm.

"Thank-you both. You lost him too but here you are tending to me, I am awed at your strength and love." Kate remarked as she sat down on the foot of the bed.

"It's what he would have wanted. Dad loved all three of us very much and he would want us to be there for each other" Alexis walked over and sat down beside Kate, the garment bag making a crinkling sound in the silent room.

Kate smiled softly up at Martha as Alexis leaned into her. She placed her arm around the girl as she patted the spare space next to her in an invitation for Martha to sit.

"I want you to have these back Martha" Kate said softly as she held the earrings in her outstretched hand. "I don't feel right taking them anymore"

"No Darling, they are yours. We may be an unlikely mother and daughter but nether-the-less today we are a mother and daughter, despite our great loss and they will remain yours until you give them to Alexis on her wedding day." The older women gently closed Kate's hand around the gems, running her slim fingers over her fist in a soothing motion. "We are all women of substance Katherine and we will get through this, somehow but we will remain a family for always." Tears now freely running down Martha's face, her blue eyes that she had gifted to her son, shimmering as she reached across to gently cup first Alexis' cheek then Kate's.

"But now I think it's time that Alexis and I departed to allow you some time to yourself. We will be downstairs with your father when you're ready to rejoin us, my dear" With a flourish worthy of any actress, Martha kissed Kate and gathered a still teary Alexis in her arms and left.

As the door to the suite slid closed with a soft click, Kate turned and dragged her exhausted body up the bed until her head hit Castle's pillow. Turning she inhaled deeply hoping to catch his unique scent still lingering on the bedclothes instead she was met by that of spring flowers and detergent. succumbing to the daunting weight of her loss yet again, Kate felt the sobs well up and overflow, her body shaking with the force of them. The tears long having escaped Kate's rigid control tracked down her face, pooling onto the scrunched up pillow and disappearing, leaving a damp spot as the only sign of their existence. Curling up on herself, Kate allowed the tears and sobs to continue unrestricted until sheer exhaustion finally won out and she slipped into a restless sleep, the sapphire and diamond earrings still clutched in her closed fist.

Kate woke disoriented, the room dark and silent. She rolled over to reach for her cell phone to check the time but her hand met the bare surface of the bedside table. As the days events filtered across her mind, Kate wanted nothing more than to bury her head back under the covers and block out the world. Instead she switched on the bedside lamp and flung back the blanket that someone had covered her with, stepping out of the bed. Kate knew it was now time to be strong, to channel the badass detective that Castle loved. She had no intention of leaving this investigation solely in the hands of her friends and even less intention of leaving it with the Hamptons PD. Kate would find out who had caused this and make them pay. There was no rock, no hole that they could sliver into that Kate wouldn't find them. If she couldn't stand with Castle then she would stand for him.

Kate spotted the earrings lying on the bed, gathering them up she walked over to the dresser and placed them beside one of Castle's watches. She slipped one of Castle's oversized hoodies over her leggings and workout shirt, a pair of ballet flats on her feet and left the sanctuary of their room to find the others.

Slowly making her way through the bottom floor of the house, Kate listened out for sounds of activity. Someone had left all the lights blazing in the house bearing testament to the restlessness of the souls under its roof. Kate followed the quiet sounds of voices engaged in conversation to the downstairs kitchen. She entered the large kitchen to find Ryan and Jenny perched on bar stools at the island bench whilst Lanie and Esposito moved around the kitchen in perfect sync cooking up a late night snack. The LED light over the wall oven showed that it was past midnight, Kate having managed six hours of sleep. She stood silently in the doorway, observing the two couples deep in conversation. Kate saw Jenny reach across and grab Ryan's hand placing both their clasped hands in her lap as Ryan leant over and placed a kiss to the top of her blonde head. She watched as Esposito chopped peppers under the close instructions of Lanie, his large hands hacking with the knife at the vegetables, an air of reserved sadness hanging over the group.

Kate cleared her throat to announce her arrival and stepped into the warm kitchen. She watched as four pairs of eyes turned towards her like deer caught in a spot light.

"How long have you been back?" she asked

"Not long" Ryan leapt up and pulled his chair out, gesturing for Kate to sit. She shook her head, there was something else she had to do before she sat down to discuss the evidence they had managed to find. Kate knew that she needed to have this discussion but she needed a little bit more time before they jumped in.

"You sit, I have to do something...out there first" She gestured towards the back patio. "I'll come back soon and we can go over the evidence"

"Do you want us to go with you" Jenny asked

"No, no" Kate shook her head "No, this is something I need to do, alone"

"Sure, we'll be here when you're ready" Ryan reassured her.

"I..uh.. where are all the guests, I haven't seen anyone." Kate asked

"Oh Honey, Captain Gates and your Dad arranged for the buses to take them all back to the city after you came back. They didn't think you would want to deal with it."

"Oh God no. I don't know how Castle ever convinced me that I would want 297 people at our wedding. He must have been particularly convincing that day or I was just too distracted." Kate smiled briefly, remembering exactly how Castle had really persuaded her to accept his final guest list. The smile receding as quickly as it came, fleeting in its presence.

"I...um...I " Kate's words failing her, not sure how she could ever thank her friends for what they had done today.

"It's ok Beckett, we get it" Esposito said softly as Lanie came towards her and threw her arms around Kate. "He's our friend too"

Kate nodded at her friends over Lanie's head and as soon as Lanie released her she slipped away, needing to complete this last task before moving on.

Kate padded quietly through the house, not wanting to run into anyone else just yet. Opening up the large glass doors she stepped out onto the back patio. Breathing in deeply she tasted the salt on her tongue from the ocean as the warm Hamptons' breeze caressed her upturned face. In the cloudless midnight sky she could clearly make out the stars above her. Castle would always insist on sitting on the lounge chairs wrapped up in blankets and each other to gaze up at the stars on their trips here, lamenting on the lack of them in the city he loved.

But Kate hadn't come out here to gaze at the stars. Following the paved terrace around the side of the house she stopped at the top of the small set of stairs that led down onto the grassed area and the cliffs beyond. Instead of open lawn Kate was met with the sight of a sea of cane chairs, lined up along a central aisle. Kate was glad that they hadn't packed it up yet. She had never gotten to see what her wedding would have looked like, having had to leave the last-minute arrangements to Alexis and Martha when their chosen venue had fallen through and she was chasing Rogan O'Leary around Willow Creek.

Kate gazed around absorbing the small details that she and Castle had spent many a night planning, from the elegant flower arrangements, to the small row of fairy lights along the hedges and the colourful lanterns in the trees. Even in the moonlight, with the lights turned off, she could see how beautiful it would have been. Kate walked quietly down the centre aisle, imaging what it would have been like to have the seats filled with their family and friends, her Dad's arm in her's and Castle waiting impatiently in his black tuxedo at the end. She could just see the adoring smile on his face as she walked slowly towards him. Her slow even glide down the aisle in time with the music but inwardly resisting the urge to run the last feet and jump into his arms. As she reached the flower pergola where Castle would have waited for her she slowed down, lost in her own dreams. It would have been breathtaking, she realised.

"Katie" She heard her father whisper softly from somewhere in the dark. Turning she saw him seated in the front row to her right.

"Hey Dad" She watched him stand up and close the distance. "I just wanted to see it, you know, we spent months planning everything and I never did get to see it today. It was beautiful wasn't it?"

"Yes Katie it was"

"I woke up before, in our bed and for this split second I forgot. I forgot he was gone, I forgot we never got married and I forgot what it felt like not to have this heavy weight sitting on my chest, crushing my heart. And for a split second I remembered what it felt like to be happy"

"If I could have done anything in this life, it would have been to spare you this." Jim had sat alone in the darkness, thinking just this thought when Kate had appeared.

"Did I ever tell you that Castle wanted to get married in space?" Kate smiled at the memory "I told him that I had never once wished as a little girl to have a thousand tons of rocket fuel strapped to my ass on my wedding day. I would gladly strap it on myself right now" With a sigh, Kate spun slowly around taking in the whole setup before it was dismantled tomorrow.

"Your mother would have loved him Katie"

"Before or after she kicked his ass for being a jackass" Kate asked

"Oh she would have loved him anyway but she still would have kicked his ass first"

"He was her favorite author, I think she may have tried to steal him from me"

"You're probably right" Jim conceded

"I better go in" Kate squeezed his hand before reluctantly turning away to walk back up the aisle. Stopping half-way she turned back to see her father frozen in place watching her.

"You'll stay...won't you?" she pleaded.

"Of course, Katie-bug" the childhood nickname falling from his lips before he could prevent it.

"Ok...good"

Kate wrapped her arms around herself and walked back up into the house, steeling herself for what was to come.

Kate kicked off her flats and settled into the large leather armchair in Castle's study, curling her long legs under her as she waited for the others to do the same. She had managed to pull out Castle's story board to use as a murder board. On seeing the partially outlined storyline for "Hampton's Heat" Kate hadn't been able to erase it, instead she had flipped the board around, blocking it from her view until she felt capable of reading it.

"Ok Ryan, what do you have"

"Um...Beckett, do you really want to do this?" The concern evident in Ryan's voice.

"Just the facts Ryan. My gut tells me that something isn't right. We need to figure this out, so lets just start with the facts and we'll go from there."

"Ok, so we know that Castle called you from the car at 1:23pm to say that he was 20 minutes away. The Mercedes was found at 2:10pm by a witness, Kasey Turner who was walking her dog west along the same road. She didn't hear a crash or explosion before coming across the car on fire but she was listening to music through her headphones at the time." She watched as Ryan drew a timeline on the murderboard, adding in the few details that they had.

"Did she see any other car on the road?" Kate asked

"No, nor did she see anyone else on the road in the thirty minutes she had walked. When she arrived she says the car was down in the ditch and the fire was burning in the front seats. Her 911 call came through at 2.11pm, we've requested a copy of it but I doubt it will tell us anything more than what we know. I also ran a background on Kasey Turner and she's clean. She's a mother of 3, works part-time in the local nursery and is married to a teacher. No prior arrests not even a previous driving fine. She's not just clean, she squeaks." Under the witness heading, Ryan added Kasey Turner's name.

"What about the marks on the Mercedes? Something collided with Castle's car to cause those marks" Kate inquired

"So, yeah I had a closer look and it would appear the car was hit from the rear by another vehicle. I found black paint and small chips of red glass embedded in the scratches. A sample has been sent to CSU, maybe we'll get lucky with the paint sample but I wouldn't hold out hope given its black." Esposito leapt up to stand beside Ryan.

"And the skid marks?"

"Given it was a dirt road there weren't a lot of identifiable tyre treads but what there was tell a different story. By matching the treads on the Mercedes to the distinguishable marks on the road it looks like Castle's car stopped suddenly about 200 feet from the bridge then accelerated without braking, hitting the guard rail and plummeting through it. There is no sign that he attempted to brake, so either the brakes were tampered with or..." Ryan paused, hesitating to state the obvious conclusion to that sentence.

"...or he deliberately drove into that ditch?" Kate finished, she looked around at her friends, her colleagues hoping that they didn't believe that Castle would ever do this.

"NO Beckett" cried Ryan, his blue eyes widening in shock. Kate should never have doubted Ryan's belief in Castle.

"Hell, no... Beckett" Esposito said gruffly

"Honey, he would have sooner remarried Meredith than do something that would've prevented this wedding. He waited five years for you, girl any guy that waits that long isn't gonna skip out at the last minute." Lanie jumped up, her hands on her hips, taking a defensive stance to challenge anyone who doubted Castle's intention.

"Thank-you guys, I just had to hear it" Kate wiped at her eye, catching a tear before it fell.

"Well Espo and I may have more, not sure what it means but it definitely puts paid to any idea that Castle was alone on that road."

"Yeah we took a walk down that road and found the spot where Castle's car was supposed to have stopped. Not much evidence left on the road by the time we got there, the tyre marks were almost obliterated, likely Chief Brady's hapless deputies putting their overgrown feet where they shouldn't but Ryan here noticed a second set of tyre tracks, a diamond pattern not more than a foot long but not the same as the ones on the Mercedes. There was definitely a second car there. We managed to get a pretty good plaster cast which is now with CSU. Add that to the paint and glass chips and we have enough to suggest that there was another car on that road. We should have make and model by tomorrow" Esposito added a photo of the tyre tracks to the murder board.

"Oh God" Kate cried out, burying her face in her hands. Finally she had evidence that something had happened on that road to send his car plummeting into that ditch. Not nearly enough to calm her raging heart but enough to have a place to start looking. She jumped up and starting pacing back and forth, the new possibilities that this evidence suggested spinning like a colourful kaleidoscope through her mind.

"What about the car" she asked

"Uh...well the interior was completely destroyed from the flames, there wasn't any evidence that we could find that wasn't already ashes. CSU is going to go over the mechanics with a fine tooth comb and if the car was tampered with then we'll find out soon. Otherwise they are sifting through the ashes and hopefully will have something for us tomorrow. Gates has pulled more strings and managed to get overtime approved in the Boston CSU lab. Beckett this investigation is on everyone's priority list."

"The fire inspector, a Terry Michaels seems to have a little more with and experience than Chief Brady. He wouldn't give us much of an idea of what started the fire but did say he didn't think it was an explosion. Not enough damage to the car itself and no sign of an incendiary device in the wreckage. He's gonna email his official report in the morning." Ryan added

"Ok, ok...this is good, we have some leads now, or at least we will in the morning" Kate mumbled, more to herself than her friends. However hard it had been to hear about Castle's last few minutes, this next request would likely haunt her for many nights to come.

"And Lanie?" She asked, the stress already evident in her voice.

"Kate...honey, you don't really need to do this now" Kate could see the reluctance evident on Lanie's face.

"I have to Lanie, I don't get to pick and choose here. If I'm going to find the right answers then I need to know everything."

"Ok but if you need to stop, just say so. I know you Kate Beckett and you push yourself harder than anyone else I know and that's not a compliment. I saw you today at the accident scene and I don't think you're as put together now as you want us to believe."

"Lanie...please, I need to do this. If by being strong now means I will collapse when this is all over then I don't care, I have to find out what happened to Rick. I will deal with the aftermath later. If you don't have faith that I can do this as Kate then have faith I can do this as Detective Beckett."

"I believe you Kate, that's what I'm afraid of." Lanie sighed, knowing that she would never prevent Kate from doing what she believed she had to do. Not only was she stubborn but as she had proven many times with her mother's case she was self-destructive when on a quest for justice.

"Ok I have photos, because it will be easier to explain the technical points better. Are you up for this?" Lanie asked still not sure about this.

"No I'll never be ready, but we've already established that." Kate didn't want to do this, she really didn't want to do this but she would. She took a steadying breath and pushed the last of her emotions behind her newly built wall, her pacing threatening to turn into a brisk jog.

"Sit down Kate!" Lanie demanded with a sigh.

"Lanie!"

"No Kate, we do this my way. Sit down there with the boys and we'll go through them together. We do this together, no solo Bex on this one. ok?"

"Fine" Kate conceded, taking a seat on the sofa with Ryan to her right. Javi taking up his post on the arm of the sofa at her left shoulder. Lanie completed the group sitting on the other side of Beckett, pulling out her tablet and turning it on. Kate could feel the tension radiating from them all, no matter how much their jobs had trained them to handle death when it was this personal there was just no way to prepare. They would have to forge ahead and hope they came out in one piece at the end.

"So...um...there was one deceased persons found in the driver's seat, the seat belt was still in place. You can see in this picture how the metal of the seatbelt has melted into the right hip here." Lanie enlarges the picture so they can all see, her eyes straying from the tablet to Kate's face. The complete lack of emotion on Kate's face doing more to scare Lanie than a flood of tears would right now.

"This suggests that no attempt was made by...um...the person to get out of the car or that the belt was stuck and they couldn't get out." Kate heard the in drawn breath from Ryan at the implications of that information, but Kate didn't flinch. This was just another case, just another body because if she thought otherwise there was no way she could get through this. Kate heard the hesitation from Lanie and caught her eyes in a brief sideways glance, Kate gave her a slight nod granting her permission to continue.

"What about the identification?" Kate said asking about the white elephant haunting the edges of the room.

"ok so this is all just preliminary an identification you understand that right?" Lanie asked.

"Yes, Lanie just tell me" Kate pleaded

"Ok, so in this picture you can see the shape of the forehead, the deep-set eyes which suggest a caucasian male, aged between 30 and 50 years of age. The fire has made initial identification from facial features or fingerprints alone impossible. A set of dental imprints have been taken and I have already called Castle's dentist, Martha gave me her details and we should be able to confirm identification as sometime tomorrow. But his height was about 6'2" and he was wearing black dress shoes so with the facial features it fits Castle's general description. I'm sorry Kate." Kate shuddered as the last of her hope slowly dwindled away, finally admitting to herself that she had hoped that this wasn't Castle. That he had managed to get out, that he had never been in the car when it crashed, that he had been abducted by aliens, anything but more evidence that put Castle in that burnt out car.

"Brendan Coyle is the ME working this case, he seems young but diligent and eager to please so I don't think we should have any issue getting any information we need from him. He's asked me to assist with the autopsy tomorrow, well today." Lanie explained watching as Kate flipped through the rest of the photos. Lanie's concern grew as the more detailed of the photos failed to draw any emotion from the other woman. She has been present when Kate had tumbled down the rabbit hole of her mother's case and Lanie knew she was ready to take that slide again.

"Kate?"

"Just give me a minute, Lanie" Kate handed back the tablet, dropping it into Lanie's lap not wanting to have anything more to do with it. She leapt up from the sofa to fling open the glass patio doors and step out into the pre-dawn night. She let out a low moan as her tight hold on her emotions failed and they flooded out like a burst dam.

"Kate?"

"Not now, Javi" She pleaded, using the last of her strength to keep herself upright.

Kate closed her eyes against the unrelenting flow of tears. She had honestly believed that she could be detached, that this could be just another day in her job but she wasn't detached and this wasn't just another job, this was Castle. Kate wanted today to rewind, no what she really wanted was the last three days to rewind. She wanted to be the person she had been in the precinct 72 hours ago, carefree and giddy, walking out arm in arm with her fiancé, about to get married and spend the next three weeks on a tropical honeymoon. She wanted that amazing future back, she wanted to erase Lanie's pictures from her memory but really she just wanted Castle back. Kate felt Esposito's strong arms come around her and draw her back against his chest. She tried to evade his grasp but he just held on and waited till her struggles stopped and she slumped against him.

"You don't have to be tough around us Beckett. Yell, scream or cry, just don't hold it back trying to be strong because it will destroy you, it will eat away at you until you might resemble the Beckett we know but you'll just be a living ghost. I have been there with some of my army buddies and I won't allow you to do it" Esposito turned Kate in his arms, tilting her chin up so that he could look into her green eyes. "You want to yell, I'll be there; you want to scream, I'll be there, you want to cry, I'll be there, you want silence and I'll be there. Never doubt that Kate."

"Us too, Kate" She watched as Ryan and Lanie joined them on the patio.

"I suppose I don't have a choice" She smiled through her tears, her sobs having quieted.

"Nope, no choice" Lanie stated

"Ok...fine, we'll try it your way." Kate conceded, giving Espo a quick hug before stepping away, wiping the tears from her eyes but not entirely capable of wiping those images from her mind. No matter what her friends believed Kate knew she needed to hide behind her badge right now otherwise she was scared she would fall apart and never be sane again.

"Knew you would see it my way" Espo attempts a sad smile.

"We done here? Then lets go back in and have another look at that timeline" Kate suggested, ready to start moving forward with this investigation, her mask firmly back in place.

"Does anyone else not like this timeline?" She asked as they wandered back into the study.

"What do you mean?" Ryan asked

"What happened in the missing thirty or so minutes?" Kate pointed to the gap in their timeline.

"Castle phoned me at 1.23pm but the car was found alight at 2.10pm. According to our witness the fire was established but had only engulfed the front seats when she discovered it. Castle car's was found just a 10 minute drive away so he should have reached that location by 1.33pm give or take a few minutes. The fire would have burnt itself out if it had burned for 37 minutes as this timeline suggests." Kate explained reaching up to draw a red circle through the missing time period on the murderboard. She placed a large question mark inside the circle.

"This..._This _is where we start" Kate jabbed the red question mark. "We find those missing 30 minutes and we find out what happened. Espo, you and Ryan canvas the local houses tomorrow, these big homes all have security cameras maybe a few caught Castle's and the mystery black car as they drove past."

"Yes Boss" Esposito and Ryan both agreed

"Lanie, I need you there tomorrow with the ME. I really can't be in that room so I need you to do it for me"

"Honey, of course."

"Brady and his team of deputies are really out of their depths with this investigation. Sometimes the initial evidence isn't the whole story, Castle knew that and we all know that's the case here. I can never thank you enough for doing this, I know its asking so much of your friendship but I need you guys." Kate suspected that today and the ones coming would challenge her friends and herself far more than they ever had been.

"Did you think we would be anywhere else but here, girl" Lanie demanded, halting Kate's frantic pacing across the room.

"No, I'm just not sure I can ever truly repay you for this" Kate whispered

"Beckett, he's one of us. This is something we need to do, for us as well as for Castle and you" Ryan explained

Kate bid everyone goodnight as she left the study to head back to bed, not that she was sleepy but she was tired of maintaining a facade that she was anything but destroyed by the events of yesterday. She watched as Kevin left to find Jenny, who was attempting to settle a restless Sarah-Grace, the baby having picked up the tensions in her parents tonight and was now refusing to sleep. Kate watched as Esposito clasped Lanie's hand and tugged her in the direction of his bedroom. Kate sighed, wishing that they would stop denying what everyone else saw and not miss out on the opportunities of a future together, before it was too late.

She stopped into the lounge and grabbed a bottle of Castle's best scotch from the bar. Tucking the bottle under her arm she wove her way through the dimly lit corridors to the master suite. Kate bypassed the bed and headed out to the small private patio just off the bedroom. She shivered a little bit in the cool early morning air and pulled the hoodie closer around her. Reclining back into the comfortable lounge chair Kate poured a generous splash of scotch and turned her face up to the starry sky. She listened to the quiet sounds of the house settling around her and the distant sounds of water lapping on the shore below. Kate sipped the scotch, welcoming the burn as she swallowed and replayed the new evidence over and over. They had a mystery black car and thirty missing minutes, not much in the way of clues but it was something.

Kate allowed her salty tears to spill over and slip down her face unheeded as she took another sip of scotch, the burn in her throat matching that in her heart. She closed her eyes and imagined the warmth of Castle's hand as he caressed her face a stark contrast to the cool night air. Kate could picture him tugging her forward before slipping behind her on the lounge chair, his chest against her back as he wrapped his hand around her's and brought the scotch glass to his lips. His other hand reaching out to link with hers, the matching wedding bands lying side by side as she nestled their interlocked hands in her lap. Kate replaced the scenes of the last 14 hours with new ones, with the images that her heart craved and she drifted off into a restless sleep, consumed with dreams of Castle.

She woke with a jolt, the residue of her dreams evaporating quickly from her sleep-deprivated brain. Fleeting images of fog drenched woods, chilling winter air slicing painfully through wet clothing and a deeply ingrained fear of the death that was stalking her in those isolated woods ghosted away as she became away of the warmth of the morning sun hitting her. Castle's name escaping her lips in a breathless cry as she remembered where she was.

Kate unfolded her stiff legs from the lounge chair, careful not to step on the shattered scotch glass on the ground. Walking inside she headed to the bathroom, needing to shower to erase the last of the sleep away so that she could prepare for what the day ahead would bring.

Slipping her engagement ring off her finger and placing it carefully on the basin she stared into the mirror. The red rimmed eyes and black smudges under her eyes making the green of her pupils more prominent.

"You can do this. You will get through today " She instructed herself, hoping that by saying it out loud it might actually happen.

Stripping off the hoodie and leggings she stepped into the large shower recess. Turning on the cold water she welcomed the sharp pins of pain as the spray hit her, shocking her to full awareness. Kate warmed up the water once she felt herself wake up fully and lathered up quickly, a restless feeling starting to replace the heavy sleepiness she had woken up with. Kate needed to get out of this house, she needed some fresh air to think. Making a snap decision she climbed out of the shower and dried off before changing into fresh workout clothes. Replacing her engagement ring gently on her finger, she ran a reverent finger over the diamond centre piece. Kate picked up her cell phone after digging around in the closet looking for the joggers she had left here on their last weekend away together.

Kate jogged down the steps, stopping in the kitchen to leave a quick note for her family on the island bench before escaping out the front door and taking off down the tree-lined driveway at a fast pace. Kate had always used exercise to clear her head and had even managed to pull Castle out of his warm bed on many a cold morning to run with her through the winding paths of Central Park. She had always jogged alone before Castle, enjoying the solitude and the chance to pick apart whatever case she was working on without interruption, but since that day she knocked on Castle's door dripping wet, the need for solitude had been replaced almost entirely with a craving for a certain writer's company.

But today Kate had all the solitude her old self would have craved, with none of the peace. Her pounding heart keeping pace with the sound of her feet hitting the ground as she attempted to run from the demon that was sitting on her shoulder, blaming her for Castle's accident. If she had only told him how she felt earlier, if she hadn't run from her feelings, if she hadn't lied then maybe he would still be here. The wasted years coming back to haunt her now that her future had disappeared just when she had started to believe that they might have one.

Kate jogged down country lane after country lane, weaving through the back roads of the Hamptons without any particular destination in mind, just needing to escape the air of grief that had settled over the house. She could feel the burn in her calves, the hitch in her breath as she pushed herself on, subconsciously punishing herself for losing him as if her conscious mind had somehow permitted this terrible thing to happen. However irrational the thought, Kate couldn't help the feeling that she was the cause for Castle's accident.

Starting to feel the exhaustion set in she back tracked trying to find her way back to the house. Stumbling around a corner, her legs threatening to give way underneath her she was startled to find herself back on the road leading to the bridge. Slowing down to a walk Kate was about to spin around after noticing the yellow police tape flapping in the breeze over the damaged guard rail, when a glint reflecting in the morning sun caught her eye. Stepping off the dirt road she wandered onto the grass verge, searching for the piece of metal that had caught her eye. Plunging her hand in the long grass she felt her finger tips brush against something smooth and cool.

Jumping to her feet, Kate weaved as a wave of light-headedness hit her. Steadying herself she looked at the object in her hand and felt her while body quake and shudder. Kate had been present just last week when her Dad presented the matching pair of cuff links to Castle. She remembered the look of surprise on her fiance's face when Jim Beckett had explained that Johanna had given them to him on his wedding day and he wanted Castle to have them. Kate had teased him later about the tears in his eyes as he stammered out a less than eloquent thank you definitely not worthy of his somewhat famous writer status. Castle had then gone on to tell her that he had once explained to Alexis that he had never missed having a father because he didn't know what it felt like but that maybe now he could. Now a solitary cuff link with the intertwined J's engraved on its surface was lying on the side of a dirt road, at least 200 feet from where Castle's car had been found. The only way that could be possible was if Castle had gotten out of the car at some point before it accelerated towards the bridge.

The implications were spinning through Kate's head as she gazed up and down the dirt road. Why would he get out of the car? Did he drop the cuff link on purpose or had it been lost during a struggle with someone, maybe the person in the mysterious black car? The vibration of her ringing cell phone finally penetrated the jumble of thoughts in her mind and Kate looked down to see Lanie's face peering back at her from the screen.

"Beckett"

"Kate, oh my god Kate!" The shaking in Lanie's voice causing her words to come stuttering out.

"Lanie, what's wrong" Kate asked as she slipped the silver cuff link into her pocket. The distress in Lanie's voice pushing all thoughts of the new mystery from her head. "Martha? Alexis? My Dad?"

"No Kate, everyone is fine and back at the house. I'm at the lab, Kate"

"Oh...right" Kate held her breath not sure she was ready for Lanie to wrench away the last remaining seed of irrational hope that she had buried deep in her heart.

"Honey, listen! Did Castle ever mention breaking his left collar bone"

"No I don't think so. As far as I'm aware the only bone he ever broke was his right knee cap last year when we went skiing. Remember he was still on crutches at his birthday party" Her confusion at Lanie's question evident in her voice.

"God, Kate. It's not him!" Lanie cried

"What...Lanie!"

"Kate, the body we pulled from Castle's car has a broken left collar bone which was surgically repaired with a metal plate. Both his knee caps are intact with no signs of a previous fracture. Kate, this body can't be Castle!" Lanie exclaimed

Kate's legs crumpled beneath her as she fell to the ground, her cell phone falling from her limp fingers as Lanie's words sank it. Kate could hear the distant shouting of her name by her friend but couldn't respond as her whole body shook with emotion as she finally gave in to the feelings she had suppressed. For the first time in almost 24 hours she could breathe. Kate couldn't yet process the full ramifications of Lanie's revelation as she was consumed with the knowledge that maybe Castle was alive somewhere and maybe they could beat the odds and have the happy ending that all great love stories deserved. The yesterday wasn't their ending, Kate would find Castle and she would make sure that they had a future, together.


	4. Chapter 4

**"I need you to know that our partnership, our relationship is the greatest thing that has happened to me" K.B. **

**Chapter 4 **

Half formed images floated in and out of his consciousness like the fuzzy pictures of an old black and white television, the edges distorted so much that he could feel his head ache as he attempted to capture them. A country road, a nondescript dark-colored SUV, men in balaclava, all jumbled around his mind, intermingled with the scent of diesel fumes, salt, days-old fish and his own fear. The incessant jack hammer in his head only matched by the lancing pains in his body and the pitch and roll of his stomach when ever he moved.

Each time he surfaced enough to become aware of his surroundings it was to find himself in the dark, the cold hard floor under his body heaving and dipping as if it were attempting to dislodge him. His body would be flung from side to side with each movement of the floor, only stopping when it collided with another hard surface, the burning pain in his arms and chest, his crushing headache enough to pull him back under into oblivion with each brutal knock, only for the process to repeat itself again and again.

Time didn't exist in the darkness only pain and a deep wrenching fear of what was to come next. Each time he felt himself succumbing to the blinding pain he would try to think of her to keep himself tethered to this reality. Her amused smile as she tried in vain to hide her enjoyment of his crazy theories, the way she tilted her head to the right when she was pleased with something and the way she laughed with the entirety of her being, releasing a soft snort that he loved to hear. He had watched her for five years from his place at her side and he knew her nuances, her gestures and her tells maybe better than she knew them herself. But his favorite was when she was lying draped around him, her long legs intertwined with his, her head tucked under his chin and her soft breath warm against his skin as she exhaled. As he slid under yet again he could swear that he felt her warm body wrap around him, holding him and easing his pain.

The next time he woke, the floor had ceased its pitching motion, his bound arms now numb as they lay lodged between his back and the wall behind him. Each inward drawn breath sending a lancing pain through the left side of his chest,accompanied by a soft moan. Castle shifted sideways, ignoring the pain in his chest and arms to draw his legs underneath him and hurl him abused body up the wall into a sitting position. He felt the room swim and tilt as his stomach revolted at the movement, his head attempting to split into two and drag him back down into oblivion. Castle pressed himself into the wall, a cold sweat dripping down his neck as he waited for the pain and nausea to subside, unable to do much else but pray that it would go away. This couldn't be happening, this was his wedding day to Kate and this is definitely not what he had planned today. Unless he was mistaken, and he had to admit he was only ever occasionally mistaken, ok, ok, well maybe more than occasionally but right now he wished he was, because he was sitting with his hands restrained behind him with possible fractured ribs and a concussion on a boat, somewhere off the coast, and Beckett was out there with no idea what had happened to him.

Castle slowly lowered his head to his knees, because any other movement would have resulted in a return of his nausea and tried to slow his breathing, the panic rising in his chest, making it difficult to think. Each shuddering breath was causing his ribs to hurt more and he was starting to feel the lack of oxygen as the dizziness returned, so he focused on each slow inhalation and exhalation, blocking everything else from his mind. The panic slowly receded with each calming breath and Castle started to piece together the patchwork of images fluttering across his mind. The story of his wedding day was starting to pull together like a plot outline on his story board and even with the gaping holes in it, he knew he was in trouble, big trouble without much hope of a rescue.

He remembered talking to Kate on the phone. her _"Hey Lover"_ sending chills of desire down his spine, and making his foot press down a little harder on the accelerator in order to get to her quicker. His continued amazement that they had finally got to this point threatening to burst from his chest and almost choke his words, even with all the stumbling blocks of the last few days including mysterious appearances of sleazy ex-husbands, of pastor-blackmailing strippers, clumsy fire-twirling circus performers, water drenched wedding dresses and mobsters on the lam, they had made it and where minutes away from getting married.

Kate's "_I love you too" _had barely disappeared from the air when he had noticed the black SUV sitting on his bumper. A feeling of deep dread had flared to life within him because if he had written this scene, which he was sure he had put Nicki Heat in this exact scenario at least twice before, than nothing good was coming his way. Pressing hard on the accelerator, he felt the front wheels grip onto the dirt road as the Mercedes jumped forward. Keeping an eye on his tail in the rear-vision mirror Castle expertly navigated the winding country roads, glad for the lessons in F1 racing he had taken that time he had Derek Storm go undercover in Monte Carlo during the Grand Prix. Without taking his eye off the road, he reached for his phone trying to call Kate. Glancing quickly at the screen he scrolled to Kate's name and jabbed his finger at the call button, missing it as the car jolted. Approaching a sharp corner,he felt the rear wheels hit loose gravel and slide out sending the car into a spin, Castle dropped the phone, needing both hands to prevent the car from crashing. Accelerating out of the spin he was able to correct the car's trajectory and prevent serious damage but he could see the SUV take the corner with more control and speed up as it gained on him again. Grabbing for his phone, Castle could feel the desperation rising within him. He needed to talk to Kate, he needed to hear her voice as his intuition was telling him that this car chase may not end well for him and he couldn't leave without hearing his fiance's voice for one last time.

A hard bump from behind sent the phone skittering out of his hand, onto the floor of the passenger seat and out of his reach. Swearing, Castle gripped the steering wheel and accelerated, the Mercedes jumping to life under his desperate hands. He watched with trepidation as the SUV gained on him, all his energy now focused on controlling the speeding car on the winding dirt roads. As he came around a blind corner, he watched as the SUV reduced its speed and his advantage increased, with hope blooming in his chest he almost missed the second black SUV parked sideways across the road in front of him, having been hidden from view until he exited the turn. Looking wildly around as he slammed on his brakes he felt his breath catch in his throat as he realised he had no out. There was no way around the parked SUV and he would not walk away if he rammed it at his current speed. Allowing the car to drift sideways as he kept the brake to the floor he felt the car slam into an abrupt stop, his head whipping around, hitting the window with a loud crack and blinding pain coursing through him as his body was pushed backwards by the seatbelt, leaving a burn where it dug into his skin through the tuxedo.

Disoriented Castle fought off the darkness that was creeping in as the pain intensified in his head and with hands slick with sweat he reached for the seatbelt, swearing as his fingers fumbled with the clasp. Maybe if he could get out of the car he could make it to the woods and hide, he thought but as he looked up through the windscreen he watched as four men in black clothing with balaclava and guns poured out of the stationary SUV. If he wasn't injured, in peril and just a bit scared he might laugh at the clichéd scene unfolding before him. Realising he had no time to escape he abandoned the jammed seat belt and dived for his phone in the passenger seat, hoping to make just one call. He felt the seat belt cut into the soft skin of his neck as reached out, his fingertips searching the carpeted floor for his phone. Feeling them slide over smooth plastic he closed his hand over the phone and straightened already frantically typing his pass code in as he glanced up through the windows. His heart threatening to jump from his chest as a wave of despair hit him when he realised that they were almost at the car, with a deep steadying breath he typed in '911' knowing he didn't have time to call Beckett.

The car door was wrenched open and he was brutally forced from the car before he could press the call button. A gasp left his throat, part frustration, part terror as he felt the gun barrel being placed to his skull, its edges pressed firmly to his skin, with enough pressure to leave an indentation.

"Put down the phone, Mr Castle or I won't hesitate to pull this trigger" A male voice made raspy by the mask over his face shouted into his ear, his words punctuated by the sound of the trigger mechanism sliding into place. "It's in your best interest to cooperate with us"

"My best interests would definitely never include this scenario" Castle mumbled

"The phone, Mr Castle" The cold steel of the gun biting deeper into his skin.

Castle let the phone slide from his slack fingers, looking around he realised that he was surrounded by at least six identically clothed people, all with guns pointed directly at him. His overactive brain taking in the two black SUVs parked at an angle effectively blocking any hope of escape now his own car completed the third side of the triangle. He desperately glanced up the deserted road, praying for a car or anyone to appear, his heart sinking as he realised he was alone.

"Who are you?" Castle asked as the gun was removed from his head. Turning he stared into the blue eyes of his attacker, the only facial feature evident below his black balaclava. The cold blue eyes held his gaze without blinking, even as the man signalled to his colleagues with a flick of his free hand as he kept the gun inches from Castle's face and an iron-grip on his shoulder.

"No-one of concern." He replied "You have a meeting to attend and I'm here to make sure you don't miss it"

"No, what I have is a wedding to attend" Castle couldn't prevent the retort from escaping.

"Not today, Mr Castle" He rasped with a finality in his tone, hitting Castle like a slap to his face. Releasing his hold on Castle as he stepped back, he raised his hand to summon the men approaching Castle with ropes and a piece of cloth in their hands.

"Who are you working for?" Castle asked, trying to keep his captor occupied with questions even though he knew he wouldn't get an answer. He just needed to buy some time to work out how to get out of this situation. "Is it Bracken? Because you should know this probably isn't a wise career choice for you boys, Bracken's network is falling like dominos and you don't want to be caught up in the free fall."

As the man turned to briefly converse with his partners, Castle ignored the other guns trained on him and made his move. He figured if they wanted him dead they would have just run his car off a cliff so they weren't going to shoot him in the back now, no these people wanted him alive, at least for now. Diving towards the rear wheel of the Mercedes he rolled into himself and used his momentum to carry him around the back fender and to safety. Slamming into the dirt road he didn't waste time looking behind him as he heard a shot hit the fender near where his head had been, instead he launched into a run and quickly ditching the idea of running into the woods he aimed for the white picket fence to his right and the safety of the house behind it. Realising he may have been a little quick to assume that they wouldn't kill him as another shot hit the fence paling just a fraction of a second before his hand reached for it, he sprung up on his heels and shifted his weight to vault over the fence.

He never made it as a weight crashed into him from behind, sending his body slamming into the fence paling. Castle grunted in pain as he felt his ribs snap with the force, the breath expelled forcibly from his body as he crashed to the ground, the weight of his attacker grinding him into the dirt before it was removed and he was lifted into the air. Castle gasped for breath, his head spinning with the excruciating pain threatening to cause him to black out. He crumpled over as a fist plowed into his abdomen, what remaining air in his lungs expelled in a loud groan, the pain in his ribs intensifying as he struggled to breathe. A hand wrapped around his throat and he felt his head jerk up so that he could meet the blue eyes of his captor.

"Do not do that again, Mr Castle." He was instructed, as the fingers pressed deeper into the soft tissues of his throat and his head started to swim with the lack of oxygen. "I may have been instructed to deliver you alive but I'm sure my employer won't mind if a few parts are missing"

Castle's legs were kicked out from underneath him just as the hand released its grip on his throat. He was able to suck in a tortured breath before his injured left side slammed into the dirt road and the pain washed over him like a red-hot tsunami, dragging him under with the force of its waves until the darkness consumed him and he sunk into its coolness. His last words coming out on a gasp.

"No, YOU don't want to do this. She will hunt you down." Sinking into oblivion he missed the concerned looks shared between the less experienced of his captors at the quiet confidence in the injured man's voice.

Castle shuddered even hours later at the memories of that bone-crushing pain. Looking around him now that his vision had cleared he could make out the slightly sloping walls of his prison in the filtered darkness. Several boxes laid stacked near his feet but it was the rolled up anchor and nets as well as the overwhelming stench of days-old fish and the gentle rocking motion under his feet that really painted the true nature of his prison. He was in a fishing vessel, likely in the hold given the lack of portholes. Taking a deep breath he tried sliding his legs underneath him further so that he could push up into a kneeling position but the pressure on his fractured ribs was causing the bones to grind together as nausea and pain overwhelmed him. Sucking in a burning breath he rested back against the wall of the boat, ignoring the pins and needles in his bound hands. He had to get out of here, he had to get back to Kate but for the first time that he could remember he didn't have a plan. Castle couldn't see a way out of his current predicament because even if he by some miracle he was able to get free, he was in no state to jump overboard and swim. The gentle rocking motion suggested that they were anchored or docked somewhere out of the swells that had previously been jolting him awake but even then there was no way he would be able to get past at last count the six armed men guarding him to get onto the wharf. No, he needed to bide his time and wait til they took him where ever they were going on dry land then he could plan an escape that had a better chance of succeeding.

Continuing to take small shallow breaths in, Castle was able to control the nausea and prevent further pain from shooting up from his fractured ribs. Settling back down onto the cold floor and shifted forward slightly to ease the pressure from his bound hands, the inevitability of his situation wrapped itself around him as he started to realise that he may never see Kate again. Only yesterday, he thinks it was yesterday, he had been so sure that they were finally going to make it, they were going to get their happy ending. But now it had been ripped away from them again.

Castle's breaths quickly change into shuttering gasps as he feels their dreams slip from his fingers. From the first moment he had looked up at that book launch party and into her eyes, he had known that they would have a story together, he had just never imagined quite what an extraordinary story it would be. When he lies beside her at night and softly caresses her smooth skin, feels the soft puffs of breath that escape her lips as she sleeps, he allows himself to be overwhelmed with amazement that they have made it here to this moment. That it is him, she turns to, seeking warmth as she curls her body around his and softly mumbles _"Stop it, it's creepy" _and he realises that even in sleep her spidey sense is as active as ever. But it's her soft tilting smile in those shared moments that tells him she feels it too, that she is as invested in their story as he is.

Castle's gasps subside as he makes a promise to this Kate, his Kate that he will find a way out and back to her, because he truly believed it when he told her that it was a sign of any true love story that there would be seemingly overwhelming trials to transcend and hadn't they braved fire, water, ice, ex-wifes, tigers, assassins, powerful senators and their own walls to get where they are today, so a few gun wielding kidnappers weren't about to stop their story.

A soft self-deprecating laugh falls from his lips as the reality of his situation steamrolled over his internal image of fairy tales and heroic cops.

_Maybe Kate had been right when she had said __"Our wedding was supposed to be magical, it was supposed to be our perfect day and now it's just...falling apart". _

Because it did fall apart and as he sat in the hold of a fishing boat, somewhere off the coast, Kate was waiting for him back at the house, by now she would know that he was missing and Castle's only hope was that she would not believe that he had intentionally left her. Slumping back down onto the floor, he rested his throbbing head on the cold surface. Castle knew that he had to figure this out before it was too late, but his body screamed with pain and all his thoughts were jumbled up inside so that he couldn't make sense of anything. Closing his eyes and allowing exhaustion to overcome him, to release him from the pulsating pain of his injuries for just a moment, he made a promise to Kate.

"If we want that happy ending then we don't give up" He whispered into the air, as the darkness pulled him under again "Don't give up Kate, because I won't"


End file.
